Today marks three years since we lost Dad. I will never forget the moment I watched him breath his last, fighting, breath. I will never forget, that on the morning of one of his last good days, my birthday, that the first words to me that morning when he woke up was, “Happy birthday, son.”.
I do not do it much, I probably should allow myself to more often, but I have cried a lot already today. I cried while I drove the kids to daycare today, I cried during my workout this morning, I am crying now. It still hurts. Bad. Everyday. I knew it probably would not, I has not, and it probably will not get better. However, I know it does.
I have been preaching a series on the book of James the last few weeks. James chapter 1 is a healthy reminder often for me that trials are certain. The Lord promises us times of pain, wilderness experiences, loss, and difficulty. Losing Dad was not the first or the last trial that I, or my family has had to endure. James 1: 2 tells us we can, “Count it all joy”, when these times occur.
Because, as he says in verses 3 and 4, “For you know that the resting of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”, we can count it as joy in the midst of the storms of life due to the truth that the God of these storms allows His beloved children to endure things that have the intention of making them more like his Son. Only a good God would allow situations in our life that seem bad but intend them for gracious good. He will also give us the grace and strength to endure
I know other trials and storms are sure to come. I know the ones that the Lord has walked with me through have been for His glory and my good. I have to remind myself daily that my current circumstance does not change the character of God, nor the fact that Jesus secured my eternity on the cross. I know the pain of loss of the past and the potential for future loss may never seem to get better, but I know it will. It doesn’t, but it does.